Whilst living in Melbourne we didn't have a car so we would occasionally hire one. In the basement of the building we had an allocated parking spot which was rather small and was in a corner formed by two concrete walls. So, it was tricky to get in and out of at the best of times.
Melbourne, Australia. 2009
Now...
The individual who had the two spots along the wall in front of ours was a little jerk; middle aged, tight black pants, gold chains complimented by medallions round his neck, shirt unbuttoned to the waist to display said medallions, long pointy shoes; I really hate long pointy shoes, and to top it off, oiled hair = euuuuuuuuuw, gross, yucky. This charming individual owns a large black BMW and a bright orange Lamborghini. I wonder just what he is compensating for? The Lamborghini was parked in the spot directly in front of ours.
Mr Greaseball; who was obviously God's gift to women (yeah right) thought that our parkspace was there for his convenience, because; as there is no car parked in it most of the time, he used a generous portion of it as and when he saw fit. On picking up a rental car one Friday night we discovered we needed to do a 10,000 point parking manoeuvre to get into our spot. I got a just a trifle hot under the collar and went; yet again, to have a little chat with the building manager about Mr Lambo Greasmaloid and his apparent inability to simply keep his car within his own FRIGGING parkspace.
When we went down to leave in the morning the Lambo was well within its designated line. HURRAH! The message must have gotten through to him... 18 months of requesting correct parkspot etiquette had finally yielded a result. We sent up a cheer and drove off for the day...
Later that day we arrived back tired, frazzled and more than a bit crabby; having stopped at the supermarket on the way back into town to do a monster shop. We unloaded the boot at the basement lift, propped Geri beside it to keep an eye on it all and proceeded down to our parkspace.
Was it clear......
No....
Was I pleased to see yet another incursion into my territory...
No....
In response to my growl of displeasure, Jen the Vengeful arose from within; claws, teeth and knife at the ready. Did Jen REALLY need this hassle when she was tired, needed a pee and a cup of tea and had Geri was waiting; and wilting, upstairs at the lift...
NO!
Did Jen mutter a few appropriate expletives which were accompanied by jets of steam venting at pressure from her ears....
Yes....
Once another multi point parking manoeuvre had been successfully completed, we locked the car up and went muttering and ranting; in Jen's case, up to the lift to lug the shopping up to the apartment, have a pee, a cup of tea and miraculously managed to calm down.
Later that evening we went back down to the car to extrude it out of its parkspot in order to return it to the rental company. Just as we arrived at the car a big black BMW came roaring around the corner at speed. It stopping with a screech as its driver observed Jen; with her hands fisted upon her hips, and her mate standing beside their car assessing the available space; or lack thereof, to exit the parkspace. The BMW hurriedly backed up and tucked itself into someone else's spot. The door opened and out hopped....GUESS WHO?? YES! His Greasy Highness Himself.
Jen slowly panned her gaze over to where His Greasiness was leaning casually up against his car... whipping her head back around to her mate she growled "That's him isn't it?" Her mate confirmed the identity of the unfortunate parkspot trespasser. Jen locked her GPS locator onto her victim and went in for the kill. "Do you want to move your car???" Jen asked with admirable restraint.
"Sorry, don't have the keys on me" he oozed.
Oh, wrong answer little man. Bad, baaaaaaaaad move.
As Jen slowly stalked toward her prey across the concrete, His Greasiness detached himself from the side of his BMW and walked forward unknowingly to his doom. Jen informed him that she and her mate had an issue with their parkspace being continuously impinged upon. His Greasiness replied that he thought that as we didn't use it very much, it didn't matter...
Bad, Bad, BAD thing to say you silly little man...
Jen closed the gap between them, gripped her hands upon her hips so they couldn't find their way to his scrawny throat and glared down at her vertically challenged, repugnant prey. Taking a deep breath she vehemently informed him that that was entirely the point. He looked at her blankly, so she 'explained' that the reason she and her mate didn't use their parkspace very often was that it wasn't available for them to use as and when they wished because another car was usually over their space.
Greasmaloid muttered something about not realising... and... umm... but...
Jen stepped back, arms crossed in front of herself. She glared at him in disbelief and incredulously asked him a few pointed; aka run away from the knife I am about to jab into your hirsute chest you irritating little man, questions along the lines of:
"Just how hard was it to actually park within his allowed and allocated parkspace lines?"
and
"Did he realise just how annoyed and FED UP Jen and her mate were with his behaviour?"
and
"Did he realise just how much inconvenience and irritation he had been causing Jen and her mate?"
Apart from a whimpered "Sorry" there was no reply from His Greasiness. Jen allowed the ensuing silence to draw itself out, then quietly informed him that she required his incursions to stop before walking over to where her mate sat waiting in their car. She guided him as he did yet another multi point manoeuvre to get out of the too small parkspace, then followed the car down the ramp and around the corner until she was out of sight.
Once there, a series of leaps and silent "YAAAHOOOOs" ensued before Jen got into the car and she and her mate drove out of the garage. As they passed His Greasiness Jen shot him a follow up glare just to make sure that he had indeed understood what she had said to him.
He got the message... Now all that we have to do is to wait and see how long he remembers it for!
Ten days later, Jen's mate arrived home from work. On the way upstairs in the lift he had had a little chat with the building maintenance manager...
It seems Jen was now world famous within the building .... It transpires that His Greasiness was the president of the Resident's Assoc. but didn't seem to to think that the rules should apply to him. Somehow everyone in the building now knew that she had a 'little chat' with him and apparently there was quite a bit of snickering going on in the building. =Subsequently, many gleeful chortles were heard emanating from Jen's den!
And...
Upon inspection of the disputed territory in the garage, Jen discovered that His Greasiness had indeed remembered; and applied, the desired parking guidelines that she 'shared' with him. Bravo!
Melbourne, Australia. 2009
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